What If “Game of Thrones” Characters Were Cars?

Winter is here! Ah, uh, but it’s Spring, no? That’s right, it’s April and it’s time for HBO’s final season of Game of Thrones.  The long awaited final season begins this Sunday night, bringing Winter with it! And. I. Can’t. Wait!

Thousands of articles have been written about this series, and this upcoming final season. Who will be left to sit on the Iron Throne? Who will survive the coming Great War, and the war that comes after it? I’m not even going to guess. I’m looking to bring you the Game of Thrones article that you didn’t even know you needed. If “Game of Thrones” characters were cars, what cars would they be? With the cast of characters having been whittled down unmercifully over the first seven seasons, I’m selecting just a few of the remaining main characters and determined what car they would be if they were cars. You can use this article to refresh your memory about these fan favorites and their personalities and traits.

***WARNING*** Spoilers ahead. If you haven’t caught up to the end of season seven, some of the following could include spoilers. If you want to avoid all spoilers, then come back and read after you’ve caught up!

Daenerys Targaryen

Daenerys Targaryen
Daenerys Targaryen, The Mother of Dragons, The Breaker of Chains, The Unburnt, and all the rest. The daughter of the mad king. The dragon queen is fearless and fierce. She’s brought her dragons and armies into Westeros and heaven help those who would stand in her way of what she believes is hers. She’s got the bloodline, and she’s got the power. But, mainly, she’s got the dragons. One of the overwhelming themes throughout Game of Thrones is the story of growth and maturity. We’ve seen Daenerys grow from a demure, shy, awkward teen to a strong, determined, unabashed leader of men, armies, and kingdoms. While her story is not the only story of growth, it just may be the story of the most growth, and maybe even of redemption.

Got the perfect car for this one.

Lamborghini Aventador

Lamborghini Aventador LP SV car

The Lamborghini Aventador replaced the iconic Murcielago, and let me tell you. This machine is fierce, fearless, and heaven help those who stand in it’s way. It’s the perfect machine to represent the beauty that is Daenerys Targaryen. And, it comes in Dragon’s Breath Orange (I made that up, but, hey, it works)! The Aventador, with it’s 700 horse powerplant and carbon fiber chassis, is stunningly fast and unbelievably powerful. The steering, brakes, and suspension provide incredible control for something that is this powerful. When the full fury of the Aventador is unleashed, this baby will fly (see what I did there), with a top speed of 217 mph.  So, bloodline? Absolutely. Power? You better believe it. Dragons? Well, it’s orange and it flies. Pretty good fit for our dragon queen, a pretty good fit.

Jon Snow

Jon Snow
From the illegitimate son of Ned Stark to The King in the North, maybe even “The Prince that was promised”. We’ll find out soon enough. Jon Snow is relentless. He is loyal and true and honorable. He never, ever quits. Jon is a man’s man, and, regardless of how this final season plays out, the real and true hero of the Seven Kingdoms. He, too, has a royal bloodline, even though only two people are currently aware of this bloodline. Jon is a true warrior ; duty and honor guide his steps. He has grit and he’s selfless. He’s fought the white walkers and the army of the dead. He’ll lead the armies of the North and the armies of Daenerys against the Night King.

Ford GT

Ford GT car

The first Ford GT40s were created specifically to tackle the giants of the European automakers in the 24 hours of Le Mans race in 1966. They were giant killers, if you were, dragon slayers, even. They finished 1-2-3 in 1966 and won 3 additional times in the following 3 years.  The Ford GT was introduced as a production car in 2005, and again in 2017. It’s the perfect car to represent the King in the North, and it even comes in Snow White (I’m making things up again, but humor me). The “teardrop” shape of the GT allows it to cut through the wind while maintaining its grip on the road. This bad boy is fast and strong. With carbon fiber body and aluminum supported chassis, advanced performance suspension, and a twin turbo V6 with 650 bhp, the GT is no stranger to speed. It’s stance and structure scream that it’s a gritty, powerful machine.  Yeah, this is definitely a Jon Snow vehicle.

Cersei Lannister

Cersei Lannister
The self-proclaimed Queen of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm (yeah, right). The woman that you love to hate, that you despise, is still around, and still up to no good. Self-inflated ego? Check. Pretentious much? Absolutely. Conniving, backstabbing, vicious, evil, even? You bet your bippy. Hmmm, going to be difficult to find a car with all of those characteristics, no? Alright, I’ll give her this. She comports herself with the grace, elegance, and aloofness that can only be carried out by those born to the richest in the land. Aha. Got it! It’s gotta be a Rolls, right?  But which one?

Rolls Royce Ghost

Rolls Royce Ghost car

Why the Rolls Royce Ghost? It’s among the smaller versions of any Rolls. While the larger Rolls are for those who like to sit in the back and let someone else drive, that is not Cersei. Cersei is not afraid to get her hands dirty. While she’ll let some of her dirty work be carried out by others, for the most part, Cersei like to drive, and the Rolls Royce Ghost is a driver’s Rolls. Easy to handle and get where you want to go, while all the while screaming out to everyone that can see that you are filthy rich, you are better than them, and that you don’t care what they think of you. Like, at all. It’s elegant. It’s refined. It’s graceful. Ok, maybe it’s not evil, but three outta four ain’t bad. Am I right, or am I right? Oh, it also comes in Lannister Red.

Tyrion Lannister

Tryion Lannister
The imp. The halfman. The younger brother to Cersei and Jaime Lannister. A dwarf. An outcast. Someone that you probably hated during the first part of the first season, and then came to love as an all-time favorite. Hated by most in his family, framed for two crimes he didn’t commit, he’s found sanctuary as the Hand of the Queen, Daenerys. He’s witty. He’s clever. He’s much smarter than most would give him credit. And probably, when it’s all said and done, a tragic figure. Most don’t believe Tyrion survives the coming war, and some believe he’ll betray those who have taken him in and treated as one of their own. I for one will be pulling for a better ending. But as Ramsay Bolton once said, if you’re looking for a happy ending, you haven’t been paying attention.

Triumph Spitfire

Triumph Spitfire car

The Triumph Spitfire is the perfect car to represent Tyrion. It’s a classic. It’s iconic. It’s dependable. And, it’s super cool looking. I’ve wanted one of these since I was a child. It’s a zippy, sharp, classy little car. It’s not necessarily powerful, but it’ll get the job done, as long as the job isn’t swinging a sword, or facing down the Night King. It even comes in Hand of the Queen Green. :-)

Sansa Stark

Sansa Stark
The Lady of Winterfell. Out of all the redemption stories and character growth and development we’ve seen on the Game of Thrones, perhaps Lady Sansa has travelled the longest road. From a snivelling, selfish, stupid little girl (her words, not mine), to someone with depth, grit, and wisdom beyond her years because of experiences that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemies. There’s something hidden inside her that we only caught a little glimpse of at the end of season 7. Something strong inside that is unassuming, unexpected and surprising. I expect it will become more overt in this final season. Lady Sansa is becoming someone not to be messed with.

Chevrolet SS

Chevrolet SS car

I know what you’re thinking. A Chevrolet for Sansa Stark? Have I gone mad? No, not at all. Hang with me a second. The Chevrolet SS is not what it looks like on the outside. Just like you can’t judge Sansa by her previous behaviour or appearance of weakness, the SS should not be judged by the easily seen, either. Underneath this unassuming exterior lurks something surprising, something quite fascinating even. On the outside, it’s a standard four door sedan. A family car. Oh, but inside, this little girl is a muscle car just dying to get out. Powered by a naturally aspirated 415-hp 6.2-liter V8 out of the previous generations of Camaro and Corvette, baby, she can flat out run. How’s 0-60 in 4.5 seconds sound? Yeah, it’s not what is seems, and it’s a perfect representation of our Lady of Winterfell.

Arya Stark

Arya Stark
Arya Stark. Not a Lady this, nor a Lord that. No real nickname other than Arry, or maybe “a girl”, or “no one”. Arya is the youngest girl and middle child of the Stark family. She is stubborn, feisty, independent, impulsive, disdains traditional female roles, and very much a tomboy. She has been described as “difficult to tame”. Again, like her older sister, Sansa, Arya has grown a great, great deal since the beginning of the plot, and she has become much, much more than she seems. Arya is quick. She is sharp. And, she is no doubt deadly.

Mazda Miata MX-5 RF

Mazda Miata MX-5 RF car

Ladies and gents, representing Arya Stark, I give you the Mazda Miata MX-5 RF. On first glance, it’s the little fun, cutsie, convertible Mazda, right? Well, not quite. It’s a targa top, and not a full on convertible, but it’s way more than fun and cutsie. This baby girl performs. She’s quick. She’s agile. She is a lot of fun, yes, but she is so much more than meets the eye. The targa top gives you the feel of top down wind blowing through your hair experience, but maintains a sleek, sharp coupe look with or without the top on. The 4 cylinder 2.0 155 hp engine provides plenty of quickness and the balance and handling give you plenty of control. Deadly, probably not. But sharp, quick, feisty, and impulsive? Yep, in spades. And look, it’s even in Direwolf Red.

Samwell Tarly

Samwell Tarly
Not a Lord. No nickname. But maybe one of the most important characters in all of Game of Thrones. Another one where there’s a lot more than meets the eye. Someone we have seen grown from the overweight, cowardly, inept brother of the Night’s Watch to the man with the courage to find the knowledge that could (hopefully, fingers crossed) give Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen what they need to defeat the Night King. Samwell is loyal. He is stubborn. And he is way braver than he was when we were first introduced to him in season one. Audacious, even. Wise. And, most of all, he’s dogged. Dude never gives up and pours all he has into whatever it is he is pursuing. Here’s to hoping we see Samwell at the very, very end of this thing.

Tesla Model X

Tesla Model X car

A no brainer. A smart car for a smart man. A high-tech vehicle for a man of high knowledge. A semi-autonomous electric vehicle with all the tech, and maybe the most safety features and ratings of any vehicle on the road.  Tesla’s Autopilot uses multiple cameras, sensors, and radars to detect objects, people, and other vehicles and powers and controls the Model X down the road under its own power, without help from anyone else. Maybe that’s not advisable, but that’s ol’ Samwell Tarly to a “t”. There’s really not that much else to say. Oh, and it even comes in Night’s Watch Pearl White.

The Night King

The Night King
The king of the white walkers and the leader of the army of the dead. We haven’t seen enough to know his motivations, but now that he has a dragon of his own, he’s the most dangerous creature in all the lands. With power to raise the dead (men, giants, and even dragons) and turn them into a walking zombie army, not a being to be messed with.

Hennessey Dodge Viper Venom 1000

Hennessey Dodge Viper Venom car

A Dodge Viper is a pretty scary car. However, you submit one of these bad boys to Hennessey Performance Engineers, and it creates fright to a whole other level. Like ice dragon in the sky scary. Supercharged with twin turbos. 1120 horses. 1092 foot-pounds torque. A quarter mile under ten at 152 mph. For over 20 years, John Hennessey and HPE have built some of the fastest and most powerful Vipers in the world, and the Viper Venom 1000 may be the best of the bunch. Yeah, that’s one chill bump inducing ride. And it comes in Ice Ice Baby White.

What do y’all think? What rides would you have represent other characters? Brienne of Tarth? Lord Varys?  Jaime Lannister? Ser Bronn of the Blackwater? There’s so many characters who have survived so far, we could go on and on and on. The Hound? The Mountain? Theon Greyjoy? Grey Worm? Maybe I ought to do another of these when we see who all survives to the end. While I’m pulling for certain characters to go out on top, like I mentioned earlier in the article, those “thinking there will be a happy ending, haven’t been paying attention”.

Posted in Features, Forgotten Favorites, In the News

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